You know what are the hardest five meters to walk in the life of a man?
When he sees a beautiful woman, a stranger, he wants to go to her and he has to walk those five meters and say hello to her.
It feels impossible.
It feels like your body will turn to jelly. And this is why most men don’t even do it. They see her, they like her but they hesitate so much that they’ll never even say hello.
And this is bad. Why? Think what can happen.
You go to her and you say hello. Best case scenario, you get to a date and to sex. Worst case scenario, she won’t even say hello back. But that’s it. Nothing bad can happen. Nobody will come to kick your ass.
Nobody will humiliate you.
If something bad actually happens, as her boyfriend coming to her, you can simply say that you’ve thought that it is someone you thought you knew and you apologize. But I guarantee, 99 out of 100 cases, she’ll simply say hello back to you and you can at least carry some small talk.
I’ve found myself confronted with this issue many, many times.
I saw girls, I knew that I was attracted to them yet I waited so much to go to them that eventually, I gave up completely. So that’s when I’ve discovered and implemented the three second rule.
What is this rule you may ask?
It is simple.
From the moment you see a beautiful woman to the moment you approach her, there should never pass more than three seconds. If more than three seconds will pass, you will get anxious, hesitate and the chances to do this will drop dramatically, almost to zero.
In other words, you will either do it in those three seconds or there is a strong chance that you won’t do it at all.
It takes the mind between 3 and 5 seconds to analyze and understand the social pressure to go to a beautiful woman and you need act before that.
Or to put it simply, consider that after three seconds, your inner talk acts like a barrier to approaching her. Like a body-guard that will do everything in its power to keep you away. That bodyguard is asleep only in those three seconds. Take advantage of that time.
Does that mean that you can’t approach her after these three seconds?
You can, but it is a lot harder. You’ll start to sweat and your breathing will become more intense. You’ll start to create scenarios in your mind – movies about all the reasons why she would reject you.
This rule served me well up until this point. Let me give you a story from my own life to exemplify.
I was with a couple of friends in a bar. It was an Monday night so the place was almost empty. I think there were 20 people in the entire place, including the bartenders.
Then I saw this girl. She was blonde, tall and very cute. She was sitting with a female friend at a table. I knew that I was interested in meeting her right then, on the spot.
Yet, I look towards her. She looked back and smiled. Yet, I’ve hesitated. Ten seconds passed. Twenty. One minute. Three. Five. With each passing second, I’ve found it harder and harder to simply go to her and say hello. My mind was filling with thoughts why she would reject me or slap me or that other bad things will happen.
She smiled to me. She gave me her permission. Yet, there I was sitting and doing nothing. Fortunately, there is a happy ending to the story, as finally, when she came to the bar to order something I finally taught to her and we’ve met subsequently.
But this was luck on my side.
It was her part, coming to the bar. If she would have not done that, maybe I would have missed the opportunity to get to know this wonderful girl forever.
On the other hand, let me tell you what is generally happening when I follow the three second rule. I see a girl. I know that if I don’t act in the first three seconds, I’m going to lose her forever.
So I simply go and say hi.
Sometimes she rejects me. She tells me that she’s not interested and even some embarrassing events happened.
But most of the time, she will smile and say hello back.
I’m not going with a pre-made story or with some lame excuse. I’m simply saying hi and girls like this approach. It shows that you are comfortable enough to be yourself and that you are not trying to compensate for anything (we’ll cover DHV – demonstrating higher value) a bit later.
Sometimes it ends up with a date. Other times it is a short conversation and I never see her again. Other times it ends with great sex.
But nothing bad happened up to this moment for simply saying “hello” to a girl and I’ve done it at least 250 times.
But you need to do it in the first three seconds. Period. It is the golden rule. And if you will never use anything again, no technique, no mindset, nothing but this rule, you’ll still have more dates and sexual partners than you’ll ever have time for.
Why is that? What is the psychology behind this rule?
It is simple. Your brain is designed to help you survive. When we were living in tribes, going to a new woman and saying “hello” may have meant death. Her partner may have killed you. That’s how our brain is wired. So your brain automatically protects you by creating anxiety so you don’t do it.
But we are not in tribal times anymore. No one will kill you for talking with a woman. I’m not saying that you should approach girls that are with partners but single girls or girls that go out single are safe.
The worst thing that can happen is her saying no through one way or another. That’s it. No one will know.
You’ve got nothing to lose.
This is what in business is called a very small downside.
But what about the upside? Well – you can get her phone number. A date. A night with her. A relationship. The upside is huge. It is a great scenario if you think about it.
Q & A (Questions & Answers)
Q: What do you do if you see her but you can’t approach in three seconds, due to other circumstances? (her being with friends / you being with someone else, etc).
A: The best thing you can do is to take her out of your mind. Don’t focus on it. Do your thing. Do something else. When the opportunity strikes, just go to her.
But don’t obsess for 10 – 20 minutes approaching her as you’ll find five different ways to sabotage yourself.
Q: I’ve hesitated approaching her initially and now, I’m stuck. What do I do?
A: Find another girl and follow the three second rule with her. Success leads to more success. If you’ve approached another girl, then you’ll get more confidence and it will become easier to go to your initial target, even if you’ve hesitated at first.
But from my own experience – if you’ve missed the three seconds at the initial contact, then forget about her for a few minutes, do another approach and then return to your target.
It is like restarting your computer when it starts to work slowly. It won’t help you if you give it more to do. It will work slower and slower. Instead, restart so you can get a clean state.
Q: What should I say to her?
A: There are many school of thoughts about how you can open.
Some people say that a circumstantial opener is best. This may be something like “Hey, this bar is empty tonight, it is always like this?”.
To be honest, while you may get an answer, unless you are a very good actor and you are good looking, this rarely works. It is very clear that you are just trying to get her to talk to you and this puts her on a superior position.
I simply prefer to go to her, say hi and introduce myself. It is the simplest solution and generally the most effective. She’ll may say something like “what do you want?”. Simply say that you’ve saw her and you want to get to meet her. It is as simple as that.
Don’t invent a story. It just makes you look desperate.
In the end, it all comes down to what works best for you. Some people are funny and can open with a joke. It is always a good people to make people laugh. Others can simply go and say hi. Others ask for a opinion.
Test different approaches and see what works for you but start with the simplest method – “hello”.
Q: What if she is with someone else?
A: Well, generally, unless you approach her on the street, she will be with someone else. Group dynamics are rather complicated so I’ll give you two simple rules.
The first one – if she is in a group, go and befriend the group, not her. It is strange for a stranger to come and talk to only one person plus you’ll antagonize everyone. So talk to the entire group and later focus on the particular person.
Second – if the group is not interested, don’t insist. You’ll just be that guy that ruins their day and it is never a good idea. You can do this at some point, you can get past this barrier but it takes a lot of experience and practice.
Q: What do I do if she simply ignores me?
A: You move on. She’s not interested. Don’t insist. There are more than enough girls out there and if she decided from the first three seconds she is not interested, you should focus on overturning this at a later date.
However, there is a difference between ignoring you and not hearing you.
Often, in night clubs it is so loud that you may say something and she may not even notice. That’s why when you say something you should touch her lightly, so she acknowledges your presence. You can touch her on the arm, which comes as non-threatening and smile in the same time.
Q: If I’m in a group, should I go alone or take someone with me?
A: Always approach alone.
It is intimidating as it is to be approached by a stranger. It is harder when you do it with someone else. If you want to use a wingman (someone who helps you in a seduction scenario), then the other person should focus on the group / female partner / male partner) and you should deal only with the target.
However, this is not a science, it is an art. I’ve approached with a friend on the street and it worked. It all comes down to how much each person will talk.
Ideally two people will talk and the third will say something from time to time, but not all three people at the same time.